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President gives stern warning to
Big Businesses:
Big Businesses:
OODLES OF NEWSDLES!!!
| Circle Office, White Home - President Obama issued stiff caution to major U.S. Companies in regards to purchasing the right to name stadiums, towers or any other objects after their company. Citi Group Inc. is receiving a bailout. Citi Group Inc. also has just this year paid twenty million dollars to have the rights to have the brand new stadium that the Mets play in, be called 'Citi Field' and will be paying twenty million dollars every year for the next several years to have that continue for that to be the name of the stadium. In response to that, Obama said, "What the F@#$? What a waste of %ing money!!! @#$@ me! What $%^# and #$*& potatoes!!! We're giving them free money because they spend twenty MILLION DOLLARS ON ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! NOTHING!!!!!!." Obama went on to point out that If they would have called it Citi Group Inc Field, as clunky as that sounds, at least it would have been an ad of some sort. And that when people hear Citi Field, they just hear, 'City Field'. In an agitated tone he stated, "What if Bausch and Loumb bought Wrigley Field and they were like, 'Baucsh and Lomb Field sounds too clunky, so we're just going to use the first letter of each word for abbreviation. So Wrigely Field will now be called 'B.A.L. Field'. It will now be known that the Chicago Cubs play baseball on B.A.L Field.' They would spend twenty million dollars a year for a ball field to be called B.A.L. Field. The president had a temper tantrum and threw a chair through a windsheild when he learned that the London based Willis Company had negotiated to have Sears Tower be called the Willis Tower. Screaming at the top of his lungs, the president said, "Basically what they've done is given away a good deal of money to have people ignore them, because the people will continue to call it the Sears Tower because that's what its been called for forty years. If the Milk Council bought earth, and said that earth is now called 'Milk'. We would still keep calling earth 'earth'. We wouldn't start calling earth 'milk' because of an interaction two idiots had. Big surprise the global economy has gone to shit, big F-ing surprise!!!" Mr. Obama ripped off his shirt, started beating his chest and stared down all big business compaines asking, "How do we let that pass for any sort of rational behavior? Imagine if your buddy won ten thousand dollars, and you went to his apartment and it was a wreck, and you were like, 'Why is your place a shit hole? Did you already spend all of that ten thousand dollars?' And your buddy was like 'Don't worry.' Then he pulled back a curtain and pointed out the window and said, 'Yes, yes, I spent ten thousand dollars, but that tree in my neighbor's yard is now called 'Steve'. Yeah, just trying to get my name out there.' And your like, 'So do you own the tree?' And he's like, 'No, just the name of it.' And your like, 'Wow, you spent ten thousand dollars so that a tree will be named after you for the rest of it's life.' And he's like, 'No, not the rest of it's life, Just for this year.' And if a year later he was like, 'Hey, for some reason I'm completely broke, I was wondering if maybe you could bail me out?" Would you bail them out, or would you punch them in the face? I think that's what we need to do, not bail out companies, but punch companies in their face. I mean what on Milk are they thinking?" When asked about the bailouts of companies that haven't spent obscene amounts of money on naming inanimate objects after them, the president couldn't be reached for comment since he was busy delivering body blows to AIG and biting the ear off Chrystler. |
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"Quit naming buildings
after you, that's why you're
broke you MORONS!"
after you, that's why you're
broke you MORONS!"
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